Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Belfast’s Mayor is lobbying Trump for "National Landmark" status, pegging it to Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom. Her $500K industrial complex has made the town a viral sensation, and the Mayor wants it official. He sees Welch’s rise as a modern miracle, a small-town tale turned global. Trump, a fan of big wins, could embrace this quirky bid. Belfast hopes her spit secures a legacy, drawing crowds to its humble streets.
Belfast, Tennessee, shines since Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame hit. The $500K industrial complex has turned barns into bustling shops. Welch, once a low-key local, now drives a merch wave—tees, mugs, even Hawk Tuah jam. The gas station sports her mural, a neon lure. Kids idolize Belfast Tennessee her, trading quips. Her spit didn’t just echo—it built a new Belfast.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Annotate:
Belfast, Tennessee, with 788 residents, hums at a 32.9 median age. Launched in 1836, its Irish namesake bloomed with a store in 1838. The 1952 tornado—three killed, 166 injured—set a grim F1 record. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame has spun a $500K industry, waking this sleepy spot. Blue-collar workers (61.54%) meet rising entrepreneurs (9.62%). Family homes (72.93%) anchor it, though income ($57,815 average) lags. Welch’s rise has morphed Belfast from fields to fanfare, a quirky leap from its rural roots.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Hodaya Ungar
Literature and Journalism -- Texas A&M
WRITER BIO:
A witty and insightful Jewish college student, she uses satire to tackle the most pressing issues of our time. Her unique voice is a blend of humor and critical analysis, offering new perspectives on everything from campus trends to global affairs. Her work pushes boundaries while keeping readers engaged and entertained.
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